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Remember Chikondi, the 13 year old we met at the beginning of this unit? Chikondi was a good student who was pleasant and helpful around the house. Now she is moody, skipping school, and her grades have dropped. Her aunt, Mwayi, worries about this change in her niece.
Now Mwayi’s friend mentions that she has seen Chikondi with a group of young people who are known to use alcohol and marijuana. Around the same time, Mwayi notices that small amounts of money are missing from her purse. Although she finds it hard to believe, she begins to wonder if Chikondi might also be abusing substances. She doesn’t want to ask Chikondi until she has more evidence. How could she know if this is true? What can she do if it is true?
Mwayi decides that she will talk to her niece, Chikondi, about her suspicion that Chikondi has been smoking marijuana and drinking alcohol. She plans carefully how she will do this, as she wants to be able to talk openly with Chikondi without her becoming defensive.
Mwayi chooses a time when they are alone together in the kitchen after dinner. She asks Chikondi if she would have a few minutes to talk about something important. Chikondi scowls, but agrees. Mwayi invites Chikondi to sit at the table with her. Mwayi’s manner is calm, caring, and attentive.
Mwayi says, “I’ve noticed that you have been acting differently lately. You don’t seem to care as much about your appearance and you’ve missed school 5 times this month.”
Chikondi protests that school is boring and she’s not learning anything new.
Mwayi continues, “We seem to be arguing a lot of the time and I wish we could enjoy being together the way we used to.”
Chikondi looks down at the table and doesn’t respond.
“I know that you were unhappy about leaving your friends from your last school.”
Chikondi replies, “I have new friends now.”
“So you’re not feeling as lonely now?” Mwayi responds.
“I am ok” Chikondi says sullenly.
“I’ve been concerned about you,”
Mwayi says, “Because of what’s happening at school and also because I’ve noticed that several times there has been money missing from my purse.”
Chikondi looks startled and defensive. “That wasn’t me,” she says quickly
“It sounds like you know who it was,” Mwayi replies calmly
Chikondi is agitated. “I didn’t say that,” she shouts. “I said I didn’t do it.” Then she dissolves into tears, puts her head down on the table and sobs.
Mwayi moves closer to her and says gently, “You seem very sad, Chikondi. Would you like to tell me what’s happening?”
Chikondi sobs out her story: she was shunned as the “new girl” in her new school. Finally two girls, Tsala and Tinyade, befriended her. They would miss school to spend time with some older boys and the group would drink alcohol and do drugs. Finally the group told her that she needed to contribute if she was going to drink with them, so she stole money from Mwayi’s purse to buy alcohol. Mwayi listens attentively. To encourage Chikondi to continue talking and to ensure she understands, she asks questions that check on feelings:
“It sounds like you were happy to have some friends. Am I right?” or clarify content, “So you would wait with Tsala at the corner while Tinyade went with the boys to buy alcohol?”
As Chikondi talks and Mwayi listens, it becomes clear that Chikondi is becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the group and their activities. She would like to end her involvement with them but is afraid of repercussions from the group and of once again having no friends at school.
Mwayi does not hurry Chikondi to a solution, but listens and asks questions like “What do you think might happen if you told Tsala and Tinyade that you didn’t want to be friends with them?” and “Are you worried they might try to hurt you?” She wants to gain as clear a picture as possible of the situation Chikondi finds herself in and how Chikondi is feeling.
Once they have discussed the situation thoroughly, Mwayi summarises the problem and asks Chikondi if she has understood correctly.
She asks, “Do you have any ideas about how you would like to handle this?” and “Is there something I can do to help you?” Together they come up with a plan, which includes spending time with her friends from her former school and some strategies for making other friends at her new school. She practices what she will say to Tsala and Tinyade when they ask her to come out with them. Mwayi and Chikondi agree to keep talking about what is happening, and Mwayi assures Chikondi that she will help her in any way she can. |
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Activity 22: Group Activity
In this counseling what are some of the things that Mwayi does to help Chikondi talk with her about what is happening? |
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Activity Feedback: (Click here to reveal)
Your answers might include:
- She chooses a time to talk with Chikondi when they are alone and unhurried.
- She checks with Chikondi that it is a good time to talk.
- She remains calm.
- She states what she has seen and heard.
- She listens attentively and caringly.
- She does not make judgments about Chikondi’s behaviour or that of her new friends. In later conversations, she will make sure that Chikondi is aware of the possible consequences of substance abuse.
- She asks questions that help her understand Chikondi’s feelings, such as “I wonder if you were worried when that happened?”
- She is careful to clarify what Chikondi is saying: “Do you mean that…?”
- She does not rush to a solution. She first ensures that she understands the situation fully and that Chikondi has had enough time to be ready for help in finding a solution.
- She understands that Chikondi is the one who will need to solve the problem and her role will be to support her.
- These are some ways Mwayi makes it possible for Chikondi to talk with her about what is happening in her life. Chikondi can trust that Mwayi will try to understand her and will support her.
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Activity 23: Individual Task
Can you imagine how the discussion would be different if Mwayi, instead of listening and supporting, made one of these responses?
- “If you had not gone with those girls in the first place you would not have this problem now.” (Blaming)
- What Chikondi might have felt:
- Chikondi might have responded:
- “You need to get your act together because if you do not finish school you will not have any kind of a future.” (Lecturing)
- What Chikondi might have felt:
- Chikondi might have responded:
- “How could you be so dumb as to get involved with something like this?” (Name-calling)
- What Chikondi might have felt:
- Chikondi might have responded:
- “If you do that again I’m going to ask your uncle to give you a whipping.” (Threatening)
- What Chikondi might have felt:
- Chikondi might have responded:
- “I’m sure it will all turn out just fine.” (Reassuring)
- What Chikondi might have felt:
- Chikondi might have responded:
- What you need to do is…” (Advice-giving)
- What Chikondi might have felt:
- Chikondi might have responded:
When counseling young people about substance abuse or any other issue, we need to approach them from an attitude of genuine caring and listening. We want to find out what things are like for them and why they are making the decisions they are making. If they feel that we really care about them, they may be able to admit that their decisions aren’t working out very well and be willing to accept our help in figuring out how to do things differently.
We want to help young people draw on their inner resources in order to change their lives, and in order to do that we need to let them know that we have confidence in them. If we approach young people by blaming, threatening, name-calling, lecturing, or giving advice we are attacking their already shaky self-esteem by giving them the message that they aren’t competent enough to make their own decisions.
Reassuring young people that a bad situation will work out in the end can simply tell them that we don’t really understand the nature and difficulty of the problem.
Even when young people ask for our advice, it is better to ask them, “What ideas do you have?’ than to give them your ideas right away. This tells them that you have confidence in their ideas, and helps them to think about which ideas might work best.
Of course, sometimes young people will need your help to deal with their abuse or help them find treatment. Then it will be important that you understand their situation clearly and know what resources are available.
Fortunately, Mwayi’s intervention with Chikondi occurred early on in Chikondi’s experience of substance abuse. As we know, her continued involvement with this group of friends could have disastrous results including addiction, pregnancy, and crime.
Many young people do experiment with illegal substances, and fortunately many are able to stop with the help of supportive friends, relatives, and caregivers/counselors.
There are no guarantees that young people will not abuse substances, but as a caregiver or parents, you can influence them by:
- Not abusing substances yourself.
- Providing guidance and clear rules about substance abuse.
- Spending time with young people, sharing the good and the bad times.
- Encouraging young people to support one another in leading healthy lifestyles.
All of these may help young people grow up free from the problems of substance abuse. The routines you create and the activities you plan for young people can help to provide an environment that is secure, stimulating and fun—one where young people have better things to do than engage in substance abuse. To ensure that you have regular get-togethers with young people, you might try scheduling meetings. Rituals like having meals together, playing games, or going to school, can be opportunities for establishing better communication that is essential to help young people not to abuse substances. Encourage young people to have fun and do worthwhile things outside the home. Avoid turning too much of young people’s leisure time into chores.
Young people who are busy with interesting activities are much less likely to be drawn into substance abuse. As a caregiver working with young people, you need to be active and very creative. Young people have a lot of energy and they want to be occupied. |
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Activity 24: Individual Task
In this counseling what are some of the things that Mwayi does to help Chikondi talk with her about what is happening? |
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Activity Feedback: (Click here to reveal)
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Your answers might include:
- She chooses a time to talk with Chikondi when they are alone and unhurried.
- She checks with Chikondi that it is a good time to talk.
- She remains calm.
- She states what she has seen and heard.
- She listens attentively and caringly.
- She does not make judgments about Chikondi’s behaviour or that of her new friends. In later conversations, she will make sure that Chikondi is aware of the possible consequences of substance abuse.
- She asks questions that help her understand Chikondi’s feelings, such as “I wonder if you were worried when that happened?”
- She is careful to clarify what Chikondi is saying: “Do you mean that…?”
- She does not rush to a solution. She first ensures that she understands the situation fully and that Chikondi has had enough time to be ready for help in finding a solution.
- She understands that Chikondi is the one who will need to solve the problem and her role will be to support her.
- These are some ways Mwayi makes it possible for Chikondi to talk with her about what is happening in her life. Chikondi can trust that Mwayi will try to understand her and will support her.
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Activity 25: Individual Task and later discuss as a group
The children/young people you are working with have probably abused or have been exposed to substance abuse. How can you help them stay safe while having a good time?
Your ideas might have included:
- Sports events
- Extra-curricular activities
- Religious activities
- Athletic clubs
- Volunteer work
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Activity 26: Group Task
- List some activities you could organise to keep children occupied
- What are some of the issues you need to consider when organizing an outing with children/young people to ensure that it is free of opportunities to abuse substances?
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Activity Feedback: (Click here to reveal)
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Your answers might include:
When organising outings, parties, camping trips, or field trips for young people you should consider the following guidelines:
- Plan in advance.
- Go over party plans with the young people.
- Encourage them to plan some organized group activities or games.
- Visit venue.
- Make sure you go to the proposed venue for the event to become familiar with it.
- If you feel it is not appropriate change the venue.
- Arrange for supervision.
- Ensure there are an adequate number of adults to supervise the young people
- At least one adult should take care of 10 to 15 young people.
- If you have both young people, ensure the adults are both male and female.
- Develop a participants’ list.
- Together with the young people, prepare a list using set criteria that have been agreed upon (for example, consider attendance, age, sex, and discipline).
- Only those whose names are on the list may attend the party, trip, or workshop.
- This will help avoid an “open party” situation.
- Set a time limit. Set starting and ending times for the event.
- If it is an all-day event, ensure it ends early enough.
- Set event “rules.”
- Discuss them with the young people before the event.
- Rules should include the following:
- No glue, cigarettes, alcohol, or other drugs.
- No one can leave the venue of the event and then return.
- If indoors, lights are left on at all times.
- Certain areas of the venue may be off-limits unless accompanied by an adult.
- Know your responsibilities.
- Remember, you are legally responsible for anything that happens to a minor who has been served alcohol or taken drugs when in your care or under your supervision.
- Help the young people feel responsible for this as well.
- Young people who bring cigarettes, alcohol, or other drugs to the party should be asked to leave.
- Be there.
- Make your presence felt—walk around and let the children/young people know you are there.
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If a young person is addicted to a substance, the problem may be too much for you to handle alone. Don’t hesitate to seek professional help, such as a health worker, counselor, support group, or treatment program. |
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Activity 27: Group Work
What are some individuals and organisations in your community that could be helpful in dealing with substance abuse? Think of as many as you can. |
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Activity Feedback: (Click here to reveal)
Your answers might include the list below:
- Alcoholics Anonymous
- Student Christian Organisation of Malawi (SCOM)
- Young Christian Society (YCS)
- CARE International
- World Vision
- Banja La Mtsogolo
- Save the Young people Alliance
- Victims Support Unit
- Catholic AIDS
- Community/church groups
- Family Health International
- Social Welfare Department
- Young People departments in ministries
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